Keep Moving… Life after loss

Many of us have lived through losses like death and break ups during those times it feels so wrong to do everyday things. It feels wrong that people around us keep on living. But to get over the pain we need to keep moving...

There is a Sotho saying that says "Lefu ke ngwetsi ya malapa ohle" meaning death is a bride to every household. But when one goes through such a loss as death it seems like the whole world does not understand what you are going through.

Two weeks went by and she had heard nothing from him. He did not come to varsity, lunches were lonely, lectures were a bore and he was not answering his phone.

On a cold Tuesday morning in July 2004 Rebone Makhato decided to go check her friend at his residence. While going up the stairs she saw a notice with a picture and bold typing: "Memorial Service for Raymond ‘Bobo’ Bosigo."

The picture was small but it was Bobo.

They had been friends for three years and there were inseparable. They did the same courses, changed courses and they would joke about being friends for life.

They shared the same idea of a better life and getting a foothold into the media industry.

Rebone found out about her friend's death from a notice board. And all she got to mourn him was a memorial service attended by ten people.

Living through that loss was bad but what made it worse was that the world seemed to go on. How she wanted to tell everyone who went along with their daily business that a beautiful soul that made this a better place isn't here anymore! How she wanted them to stop and mourn with her.

Many of us have gone through the pain of losing someone we loved and it looked like we were all alone.

A mother losses a baby she has carried for months and all she gets is a: "sorry get well soon" card.

Someone we love walks out on us and the world keeps on spinning in orbit and people around us seem so blasé to the pain we are going through.

At a time of loss it feels so wrong to do everyday things. The universe seems to be moving in some parallel space and time.

But when life appears to be marked with your pain how do you get up and wipe it away?

When you have lost the most precious to you how do you - as people will say - move on, get over it?

It will not be easy but we do need to face the world again.

Yes the world keeps spinning even when we have stopped. But we can catch up. All we need to do is to keep moving.

Dr Phil McGraw when talking about mourning says: "Grief is a process to go through, not a destination in which to wallow. In a process, you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and each little step is part of your healing."

When getting out of bed seems a struggle, what you need to do is … keep moving.

It means finding meaning in your pain, understanding that your pain is not the end but it a place you pass through.

Keep moving so that as the proverb says someone else will pass through where you are and they will need you to show them how to get out. So when you keep moving you ensure that the path to wellness is open for all.

Keep moving; even if it means going for a walk, cleaning up your house for the whole day, we need to keep moving.

Because by keep moving we do not concentrate on the pain, we see that it is not that bad.

We keep moving to keep us alive that even though our love is dead we are alive to honour their living.

Find a meaning and a purpose for being here and going through the pain. It will make it all worthwhile and make you feel better that all is not for nothing.

Keep moving one foot in front of another.